So, I have a secret…. No one in my life knows this blog exists.
For some reason, it feels 100% okay to me baring my innermost thoughts to people I’ve never met.
But the thought of people who actually KNOW me reading this? TERRIFYING. Maybe someday I’ll get there, but it ain’t today.
Which is why, when I accidentally linked this blog’s IG account to my personal Facebook account and all my friends got the alert that I had “joined Instagram”, I had a mini-heart attack. I blocked anyone that tried to follow me and stopped posting on here because I was so afraid someone would check it. I even went back and made one particular post password-protected in case the people involved somehow found their way to the link. But of course, it was already out- nothing could be done. Damn you, Internet!
To date, I have told only one person (on purpose) about this online diary- and only because she is my one friend I know unequivocally respects the need for personal privacy while being public about extremely intimate things. But other than that, I didn’t know how I felt about people knowing this is out there.
So it was surprising to me when I felt excited and supported when a new-ish friend of mine reached out to me this week and told me that not only had she read this blog, but that she identified with what I had written. Without going into detail about her message, I’ll say I felt a new kinship with this person- not just because of the kind words she said, but because she had reached out in the first place. We had both been feeling a bit lost in this weird city, and it was so nice to feel free to admit it.
Los Angeles is a scary place where many people are friendly only to disappear when they no longer have anything to gain from being in your life. Which is why one of the main goals on my bucket list this year was to find and keep a kindred spirit girlfriend out here. Maybe this person could be a potential kindred spirit that I might not have necessarily had the balls to seek out for friend-dates, or maybe we’ll just keep going forward with our lives knowing that somebody out there “gets it”. Either way, I’m grateful.
So, here’s to my attempting to get over my fear of writing on this blog- if you DO happen to know me, and you do read this, just please don’t share it…yet. I’m working on it. =)