This week I had a career breakthrough and my yoga teacher exclaimed, “How exciting! So, is that [career] what you want?” And I, thinking I was being OH-so-Zen, replied, “I don’t really know. I’ve adjusted my thinking recently and all I want is to be fulfilled. However that comes, I’ll accept it.”
I was expecting her to say how enlightened I was etc. etc. but NO! Instead she says, “No. That’s not enough. You have to remember God wants what YOU want. You have to be specific. If you say you want ‘la-la-la-fulfillment-whatever’ then ‘la-la-la’ is what you’re gonna get back. Name what you want, ask for it, and it will come.”
Then she told me a little story… “That doesn’t mean it will come exactly as you pictured though, either! Let me tell you how specific God is:
I once had a student who said she was embarrassed to admit it, but she wanted to find love, and marry rich. And you know what? She found love, and she married RICHARD.”
So now I’m home after this class thinking once again, ‘Well, shit. What do I want?”
She suggested (and, ironically, a few weeks ago my therapist suggested I do an exercise eerily similar to this and I blew it off) that I try and write down a few things I want. They don’t have to be BIG (though most of mine are, go figure), but they do have to be SPECIFIC.
So I lit a candle, got out a notebook, and began to write. I was shocked how hard it was to be specific! I kept wanting to write things like “I’d like to own a home someday” instead of “I want to buy a home I love within the next 5 years”. I erased almost every single goal and desire each at least 3 times, re-wording them, worrying I was being selfish or entitled, but you know what? Those things are exactly what I want!! FUCK. FEAR.
Your move, God.